


Mission Impossible

by Roger_That_Sarge



Series: Unexpected [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Couch Cuddles, Drinking, Fluff, Humour, Lando and Lance are the worlds worst detectives, M/M, Partying, Pierre and Esteban are back at it, Sarcasm, Sebastian is everyones dad, Spying, attempt at figuring out who Sebastian is dating, getting caught
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:48:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28249407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roger_That_Sarge/pseuds/Roger_That_Sarge
Summary: ‘It has to be Kimi; you’d be blind to think otherwise’‘No way babe has to be Lewis. I mean have you seen the two of them together?’orLance and Lando try to figure out who Sebastian is married to and nothing goes to plan
Relationships: Lando Norris/Lance Stroll, Pierre Gasly/Esteban Ocon, Sebastian Vettel/ mystery man
Series: Unexpected [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069403
Comments: 10
Kudos: 92





	Mission Impossible

‘It has to be Kimi; you’d be blind to think otherwise’

Lando was lounging across the bed, his damp curls dripping onto the floor from where he was looking towards Lance, his head hanging off the edge of the bed. Despite the conversation between the two that had struck in the shower after a celebration of a double podium, Lando was more interested in watching Lance towelling off his hair. He stood shirtless in the bathroom door, fluffing his hair with sweatpants low on his hips and droplets of water running down his chest as he watched Lando with an amused smile.

If they had not just spent the last few hours going from bed to whatever available surface, Lando would be tempted to stretch back and shoot his boyfriend a cheeky look that he knew would get him going again.

‘No way babe has to be Lewis. I mean have you seen the two of them together?’ Lance questioned, tossing the towel into the hamper before walking over to the bed, hands wrapping around Lando’s legs and tugging him gently across it, so his head rested on the mattress before flopping down beside him, ‘They’re worse than Pierre and Esteban’

‘Ok first, no couple is worse than Pierre and Esteban, that’s just a fact’, Lando laughed, tucking himself into Lance’s side, fingers automatically going to trace the tattoo across his ribs, ‘And two, Lewis can’t keep a secret to save his life, he would have spilled the beans on an Instagram live by now’

Lance hummed beside him, his arm tucked around Lando warm under his cheek and hand soft as it brushed down Lando’s arm, absently tracing the curves of the muscles that had begun to show in the others arm.

‘Okay, I will agree that Lewis is bad at secret keeping, he did tell George to his face about the surprise party last year, but still, there’s something about the way they look at each other. Reminds me of how you look at me like a lovesick little puppy sometimes’, Lance teased, pressing a kiss to Lando’s hair as the younger scoffed.

Lando glared at him, turning his head slightly to nip at the inside of Lance’s bicep.

‘Ow, babe what the hell?’, Lance whined, trying to pull his arm away from Lando who nipped at the sensitive skin again before placing a soft kiss on the two areas he had bitten before moving to give Lance a soft kiss.

‘This doesn’t erase the fact you bit me, Lando’, Lance mumbled into the kiss.

His hands went to trace under his shirt that Lando was wearing along the others back as Lando held himself over him, putting those new arm muscle to use as they kissed softly, enjoying the soft and slow way they held each other. Just allowing themselves a moment together to feel the connection between them.

Lando pulled back, smiling sweetly before kissing Lance’s forehead and cheeks softly before settling back down in his arms. Lance hid his own smile in Lando’s curls, arms wrapping around the smaller man and cuddling him close, feeling soft and warm after the gentle kisses.

‘You’re so cute’, Lance whispered, ‘but that still doesn’t make you right about Seb’s mystery husband’

He could feel Lando laughing against his collarbone as his fingers went back to tracing patterns across Lance’s warm skin.

‘You’re so sweet to me, just such a good boyfriend’, Lando snarked back, shoving his cold toes into the back of Lance’s kneecaps, making the older winced as he tugged at Lando’s curls in retaliation.

It was actions like this that made Sebastian and Sergio roll their eyes at the two of them. Despite getting together and giving up the awkward flirting, they were still antagonising each other in playful ways that made their older co-workers shake their heads at laugh whenever they saw Lance holding Lando’s water bottle out of reach or Lando making a comment to the media about Lance’s use of Garfield on his helmet to keep their media ‘rivalry’ alive.

‘You just don’t want to admit that I am right, like always’ Lance teased, digging his fingers into Lando’s ribs to tickle the younger slightly.

‘Fuck you’, Lando gasped, wriggling in Lance’s hold, unable to break free, ‘You are never right. You thought Alex and George were together last week because they wore similar runners’

‘Okay, I did, but to be fair, George was sitting in Alex’s lap for like half of that gathering at yours last week despite the rest of the couch being free, because you decided to lie on me for the majority of the night’, Lance defending, pulling back slightly to look down at the younger.

Lando had a little smug smile on his face, biting his lip as he gazed up at Lance with those brilliant green eyes that always seemed to change shades of colour, never settling for one thing. Lance couldn’t help but lean forward, placing soft kisses on the two prominent freckles on Lando’s face, making the younger blush as his eyes closed, smile still on his lips.

‘You didn’t complain about that last week’, Lando muttered, humming softly as Lance brushed his nose off his cheek.

‘Never going to complain about getting to be close to you’, Lance smirked, knowing that his throwaway lines often made the younger want to kiss him and simultaneously die from being complimented.

If there was one thing Lance had proven true about British people, it was their inability to process compliments.

This observation was proven right as Lando turned red, hiding his face in Lance’s shoulder as the older tried to not laugh at how cute the younger was.

‘Stop trying to distract me from the argument’, Lando accused, peeking up at Lance again, ignoring the way the other was grinning, ‘I’d bet anything that its Kimi’

Lance raised an eyebrow in disbelief, brain already spinning with endless possibilities on what he could get Lando to do when it was revealed that Lewis had been the one to put that ring on Sebastian’s finger.

‘Anything?’, Lance smirked, biting his lip as he gazed down at Lando who was watching him with wide eyes, nodding softly, ‘Even if I said….’

Lance left his voice drop, moving to whisper the idea into Lando’s ear. He pulled back, taking in the carefully blank look on the others face despite that little bit of fire in his eyes and that tense set to his jaw he got whenever Lance did something on purpose to annoy Lando.

‘You…are diabolical. I don’t know how anyone online thinks you are so chill and sweeter than sugar’, Lando laughed, running a hand through Lance’s thick locks, and tugging on them softly.

‘You’re so sweet to me’, Lance parroted Lando’s earlier words back at him, teasing grin on his face as Lando rolled his eyes, ‘Scared to accept a bet Norris?’

‘Oh no, I will do it if I’m wrong, which I am not’, Lando protested, letting his hand drift to grab Lance’s chin gently, ‘But when you lose, you have to shave the beard. I love you scruffy, but the beard burn is causing some problems’

Lance pouted, thinking the request over as Lando ran a thumb across his cheek, waiting for an answer. The beard had been something Lance had cultivated to get rid of the baby face that had haunted his first years in F1 when his facial hair could only be classed as bum fluff and tufts with no connection. He had to admit he had grown attached to his facial hair, but he could also see Lando’s point. Driving with chaffed thighs in their tight suits could not be comfortable for the younger.

‘Okay, if it turns out to be Kimi, I will shave the beard’, Lance agreed, holding out his pinkie finger to his boyfriend who giggled and linked his with Lance’s to seal the bet.

Lando slid his hand back into Lance’s hair, pulling in for another round of sweet, bone melting kisses as Lance just let himself be held, his own hands gently tracing the youngers sides as they got lost in gentle kisses and soft words exchanged between them.

At some point Lando ended up underneath him and not for the first time that night as Lance peppered his smiling face with kisses making the younger laugh, before pulling Lance down to half lie on him, Lance’s face now tucked into Lando’s shoulder, reversing their earlier position so the smaller could cuddle him.

‘So…’, Lance smirked up at the other man as he ran soft fingers through Lance’s hair while scrolling through Instagram, ‘Lets figure out how to catch Sebastian with his husband’.

Lando’s chaotic smirk as he set down his phone, wrapping his arm around Lance fully, had a matching grin breaking out on Lance’s face as they began to form a game plan.

One way or another, they would figure out who had married the once chaotic grid Dad.

*

Their first attempt at catching Sebastian with his mystery man did not go to plan.

If Lance had to rate this particular attempt as he watched Sebastian walk away from him, it would be a three.

The first attempt at figuring out the identity of the mystery husband was not one of the ones they had discussed between rounds of kisses that melted into yet another round of sex that had left Lando determined to win the bet to save his thighs and face from constant beard burn.

Instead of the plotted attempts at espionage they had discussed, one including the use of Lando’s night vision goggles, they had decided to take advantage of the one thing they knew made both Sebastian and Kimi more susceptible to questioning about their personal life: alcohol that was free flowing as they celebrated Nicholas’s birthday at a rented bar containing only paddock staff and drivers, both retired and current. Even those who now worked for the media were granted entrance, although they had been warned not to leak any details of the night.

Which worked perfectly in their favour as currently Max was on Daniel’s shoulders, the cursed Daddy shirt was back, except this time Daniel was wearing it and grinning as he bopped around the dance floor.

Lance could see Lando eyeing his shoulders as his friend waved at him, attempting to shout over the music. In attempting to avoid his boyfriend either attempting to carry him or try climb Lance to engage Max in a game of chicken, Lance shook his empty glass at Lando and tilted his head towards the bar. He pressed a kiss to Lando’s head, ignoring the way George and Alex made kissy faces at them before making his way to the bar.

Lance had fully intended on getting another drink and heading back to the love seat he was sharing with Lando, but Sebastian had appeared at his side, ordering something bright blue with little umbrellas in them and handed it to Lance before he could even wave down the bartender or question where the older driver had come from as they sipped on their bright blue drinks, Sebastian chewing on his straw, eyes watching someone out of Lance’s vision.

Then it had struck Lance, now was the perfect time to try wheedling some information out of the older man. He was clearly distracted and judging by the happy and loose way he swayed to the music, he was just tipsy enough to start talking.

‘Keeping an eye on your mystery husband?’, Lance smirked cheekily, taking another sip of the drink. He had no idea what it was called or what was in it, but it tasted sweet like the slushies that dyed Lando’s tongue blue.

Sebastian hummed beside him, taking a long sip and throwing the younger driver a bright, cheeky grin as he turned away from whoever he was watching to give his attention to Lance.

‘I don’t need to keep an eye on him, I know he won’t cause any trouble’, Sebastian laughed before pointing at something over Lance’s shoulder, ‘Unlike your little boyfriend over there’

Lance whipped around at Sebastian’s words. He had left Lando alone with George and Alex for five minutes, surely, they could not have moved too far from where he had left them.

Unfortunately for Lance, he had left his slightly tipsy boyfriend who had been stealing small sips of Lance’s drink despite hating the taste all night, with a very drunk George and Alex. It seemed in the five minutes Lance had been gone Max and Daniel had joined the group. Lance was faced with the sight of his 5’6 boyfriend on the shoulders of a drunk George Russel while he tried to playfight with a laughing Max on Daniel’s shoulders.

Some of the older drivers were laughing and shaking their heads at the youngers shenanigans while Alex stood behind George, arms out and ready to catch his small friend with a horrified look on his face. Charles was egging them on, Charlotte at his side recording the chaos while Esteban giggled from where he was sat in Pierre’s lap, the other man looking ready to murder his friends but making no move to interrupt what was happening before him.

Lance dropped his head into his hands groaning as Sebastian patted his back unsympathetically, still chewing on his straw, eyes drifting between the figure that Lance couldn’t make out and the chaos unfolding before them.

‘You should probably go rescue your boyfriend’, Sebastian suggested, amusement written all over his face as Lance turned to see Lando wobbling on Georges shoulders, panic all over Alex’s features.

‘Out of all the drivers, I had to pick him’, Lance sighed, downing the rest of his drinking before setting the glass on the bar.

Just as he turned to walk away Kimi slid in beside Sebastian, slinging an arm around the younger driver’s waist. He whispered something in Sebastian’s ear, making the German driver grin, a dark glint in his eye as bit his lip, staring up at his friend as Kimi smirked before replying in broken Finnish as Kimi laughed.

Lance wanted to stop, to question Sebastian about the way Kimi curled his hand over Sebastian’s hip and whispered something else in his ear.

Just as he opened his mouth to ask, Sebastian turned to look at him, barely hiding his amused smile as he gestured back to where Alex was now holding Lando who was in tears laughing as George lay sprawled on top of a horrified Pierre and Esteban.

Without sparing another glance at the two other drivers Lance quickly made his way to retrieve his boyfriend who beamed at him through his tears, climbing from Alex’s arms to Lance’s as the Canadian checked if he was okay before pressing a kiss to the still laughing driver in his arms.

‘You okay baby?’, Lance muttered against Lando’s forehead as they curled back up in the love seat, Lando’s legs thrown across Lance’s as the younger moved to press a kiss to Lance’s jaw while nodding.

Lance had spent the rest of the night with Lando safely tucked into his lap, smiling as his Charles and Pierre bickered in French over if he was dating Esteban or not. All while Esteban had his hand entangled with Pierre’s, smug look on his face as he sipped his wine. George and Alex had found a deck of cards and challenged Max and Daniel to some strange card game.

In the back of his mind, he promised himself to mention the interaction between Kimi and Sebastian to Lando later that night, resigning himself slightly to the possibility that maybe his boyfriend had been right about him being oblivious. He had certainly never held Esteban by the hip and whispered in his ear in a language the other person with them did not understand. He rubbed at his beard in resignation as Lando played with his fingers.

However, nothing was ever that straight forward apparently with Sebastian as later that night as Lance walked with Lando tucked under his arm and the promise of take away pizza buzzing in his skull, he spotted Sebastian leaning against a wall down a corridor by the cloak room. Lewis in front of him, pressing him into the wall with his arm braced beside Sebastian’s head, bracketing him in as Sebastian rested a hand on his shoulder.

Maybe he could save his beard after all.

*

The information gathered at Nicholas’s birthday bash did little to sway Lando from his argument that Kimi was the one who had made an honest man out of Sebastian.

His relationship with Jenson who had all but adopted him once he had joined Formula 1 had provided with plenty of stories of Sebastian’s younger years. Lando could still remember the proud glint in Jenson’s eyes as he spoke about how he had watched the whole Sebastian-Mark ‘rivalry’ unfold with Mark getting angrier and angrier with the young flirty Sebastian. He had also remembered Jenson making an offhanded comment about how Kimi was the only one who was able to reign in Sebastian’s flirty nature and keep him stable.

It was enough to convince Lando that it was definitely Kimi who had helped Sebastian settle into himself, helping the younger to redirect his chaotic energy into tormenting journalists and staff rather than flirting with other drivers.

Still, Lance held firm in his idea of Lewis and Sebastian being more than friends. Constantly pulling up videos he had found on Twitter or had been sent to him by Charles that were made up of multiple clips of Sebastian and Lewis making other drivers look like the third wheel while they ‘flirted’ with each other.

Despite his best attempts, Lando remained firm on his stance. Teasing his boyfriend by sending him various ‘How to Shave’ guides he came across on the internet.

He had even gone as far to find a My First Shaving Kit online in a children’s dress up store. The discovery had been made one night at 4am when Lando could not sleep and Lance was back home visiting family. The kit included a little toilet bag with ‘My first shaving kit’ printed on it and came with fake vibrating electric razors, face lotion, shaving cream, beard combs and a little mirror aimed at children ages 7-8.

The shocked look on Lance’s face when Lando had gifted it to his boyfriend at the following race weekend had made him laugh so hard tears rolled down his cheeks as Lance stood in the middle of his room, unable to react or comprehend what had been handed to him.

Lance had retaliated by sending him links related to his own bet when he knew Lando would be embarrassed. Messages popping up with a loud ping during another round of Twitch Quartet quizzing with Natalie leading to his three friends trying to bully him into showing them the messages that had caused him to choke on his water.

Despite their teasing and bickering, they were still committed to the cause of finding out the identity of Sebastian’s mystery husband which had led to their latest botched attempt.

Land had been making his way through the paddock, enjoying the quiet buzz of the evening as all that remained were staff and a few trusted media personnel that were off duty.

He waved to Jenson, the older man waving back enthusiastically, sending him a wink as he chatted with some mechanics outside of one of the hospitalities.

It was further along the row as Lando edged towards all the packaging containers and away from the motorhomes that he overheard Sebastian’s voice before he spotted the older man. Sebastian had his back to Lando, leaning his left side against the container and phone pressed against his ear.

Lando was not trying to eavesdrop really. He was one who respected other privacy and valued his own, especially after a few scary incidences in the last year with fans coming to his home. He knew now how hard it was to preserve a personal life without having it plastered all over the net.

Still as he walked past Sebastian, reaching out to fist bump him as he smiled at Lando, he could not help but retain the information he overheard. Or contain his excitement as he rushed back towards the McLaren hospitality, knowing Lance would in his driver room.

He found the Canadian driver in his room, lying on his stomach on his makeshift bed, arms crossed in front of him with his head resting on his left arm, phone loosely clasped in his right hand as he dozed.

If Lando were a sweet boyfriend who didn’t enjoy annoying his partner as much as they enjoyed annoying him, he would have gently woken Lance.

Instead, he pounced on the bed, making it groan and shake ominously as Lance’s head shot up with a whine at being woken. Lando watched, biting back a smile as he watched Lance gaze up and him with tired confused eyes before registering who was now siting half on him before he smiled sleepily, reaching out for his boyfriend.

Lando grumbled, pretending to hate how Lance manhandled him until he was able to comfortable drape himself over Lando’s body, burrowing his head in the soft material of Lando’s shoulder as the younger soothed out the tangled strands of Lance’s hair.

‘Why did you wake me?’, Lance mumbled in Lando’s hoodie grumpily.

‘I have some news that I thought you would be interested in, plus you woke me up this morning by shoving your cold nose into my throat so pay backs a bitch, babe’, Lando smiled, watching as Lance tried and failed to find the energy to tickle him, instead just letting his body relax more, putting more of weight on Lando’s frame.

‘What news?’, Lance yawned, lifting his head, and tilting his chin up until Lando gave him a kiss.

‘Sebastian and his mystery man are going on an anniversary date tomorrow. I didn’t hear where, but he’s leaving the track at 8pm and told his sister he was meeting his partner at 8:20’, Lando replied, suppressing his own yawn after Lance yawned a second time, ‘He’s walking to the place so we can follow him, try get a glimpse of mystery man’.

Lance perked up a little at the idea, voice low as they plotted a plan of observation between yawns before falling asleep entangled and cramped on Lance’s makeshift bed where Jon and Rob found them awhile later after they both missed the start of debrief.

The plan was simple. Lando had text Daniel, asking him to let him know when Sebastian had left his motorhome for the evening. Daniel had been confused but asked no questions, simply agreeing to do it no questions asked. Lando was glad it was Daniel now at Sebastian’s side, knowing Charles would have made Lando beg for it or agree to something that would have Lando regretting ever be friending the other driver.

Once the text had come through, Lance and Lando, who were currently hiding in between the buildings, dressed in their plainest clothes, hats pulled down to shield their faces like the most awkwardly dressed spies, would walk a few metres behind the German driver and use the crowds on the street to blend until they could spot the mystery man waiting for Sebastian.

Despite their plan seeming to be fool proof, it was sabotaged before it even started.

They were waiting for the text. Lando tucked into Lance’s side down a side alley from the Aston Martin buildings, watching as Lance’s thumbs flew across his screen, playing some cooking game that he used to relax and keep calm when he felt nervous when a voice caught them by surprise, Lance almost dropping his phone as Lando turned suddenly to face Pierre and Esteban who where staring at them strangely.

‘Is there any reason you two are lurking in an alley looking like hung-over college students?’, Pierre asked dryly, eyebrow raised at them while Esteban moved to do some weird, complicated handshake with Lance.

‘We…we um…we were just waiting for…’, Lando stuttered, brain trying to come up with something to fill the gaps but freezing as his phone vibrated with Daniel’s text.

‘We’re following Sebastian to see if we can figure out who he is married to, its either Lewis or Kimi, we have a bet going and need to go now if we want to follow Sebastian’, Lance spilled, pointing to where they could see Sebastian making his way down the paddock, smile on his face.

‘Este, go see if you can find Lewis, I will see if I can find Kimi’, Pierre ordered, turning to walk away from the group.

‘Wait, what?’ Esteban blinked, confused as Pierre rolled his eyes, grabbing the other French man and pushing him back into the main pathway of the paddock.

‘I’ve been trying to get Seb to tell me for weeks, I’m invested, now let’s go or you’re never touching me again’, Pierre demanded as Esteban nodded, suddenly serious as he walked away.

‘We will meet at yours later to discuss this bet’, Pierre called back to them, heading away towards them as Lance and Lando scrambled to follow Sebastian who had made it to the exit of the paddock.

They didn’t have time to worry about the sudden addition of two members to the find Seb’s husband team, trying to keep their eyes on Sebastian who was walking fast through the crowds outside the track. Despite the pace they managed to keep up with Sebastian from a distance, Lance clutching at Lando’s hoody sleeve so he could pull the younger between the crowds without him getting bumped into.

It was going well until Sebastian turned a corner, the two drivers rounding it a second later to gaze down a busy side street of restaurants with multiple little lane ways and Sebastian was nowhere in sight.

‘Oh shit, where did he go? You’re the tall one in this relationship, you should have seen where he went’, Lando groaned, poking at Lance’s stomach in frustration.

‘Oh, so sorry Lando, I forgot that I could also see-through walls now too, silly me’, Lance stated dryly, staring down at the younger man who stuck his tongue up out at him.

‘You’re useless to me right now, seriously, where could he have gone?’, Lando sighed, ignoring the offended look Lance gave him.

‘Are you looking for me boys?’, an amused voice came from behind them, making them both freeze and turn around timidly.

Sebastian was standing behind them, having emerged from one of the side streets, arms crossed over his chest and eyes bright with laughter despite him not making a sound.

‘Um, no? We were looking for…. Charles’, Lando rambled quickly, ‘He was meant to meet us for some dinner, but he isn’t answering the phone’

‘Charles?’, Sebastian gave them a disappointed look that made Lance look down in guilt, ‘Charles was taking Charlotte to a movie tonight as far as I was aware boys. So, did you follow me to try find out who I am seeing?’

Lance and Lando nodded, the disappointed dad stare working wonders as the two young men felt their faces flush from getting caught following Sebastian.

‘I think its time to head back to your hotel now boys’, Sebastian laughed, reaching up to ruffle their hair, finding the whole situation amusing and slightly flattering.

They nodded again, moving to head back the way they came before Lando turned around, facing Sebastian who had turned to watch them leave.

‘Can you at least tell us if he is older then you?’, Lando pouted, giving Sebastian his best puppy dog eyes.

‘He is older, yes. Goodnight boys’, Sebastian laughed, making a shooing motion as Lance grabbed Lando’s hand and dragged him back to the hotel.

Pierre and Esteban were sitting in the hotel bar, Lance having text them that the mission had fail and to order them some drinks so they could go over their information.

‘It has to be Kimi’, Lando pointed out excitedly, pulling at the label on his coke bottle, ‘He said he was older than him’

Lance couldn’t help but laugh as the other two stared at Lando as if he had two heads. The youngest turning towards his boyfriend in confusion as Pierre gave Lando an exasperated look and Lance continued to laugh softly.

‘You’re lucky you’re pretty’, Lance smiled, pressing a kiss to Lando’s curls, ‘Lewis is also older than Seb, baby’

Lando rolled his eyes, deflating at Lance’s words and pouting as he began to sip on his coke as Lance played with the fingers of his other hand gently to sooth his disappointed boyfriend.

‘Anyway, Lando’s inability to do maths aside’, Lance teased as Lando kicked him in the ankle, ‘Did you guys find Kimi or Lewis anywhere in the paddock?’

‘Nope, they disappeared. No one knew where they were, even checked the hotel rooms and no answers’, Pierre sighed, taking a sip of his beer, ignoring the way Esteban’s hand had landed on his thigh.

‘I have to agree with Lando, it makes sense if its Kimi’, Esteban hummed, ‘Plus, you really need to shave Lance, the beard has gone on too long’

Lance gave his friend a shocked and offended look, kicking out his own foot to catch the lanky drivers ankle as Esteban cursed at him, drawing his legs back from where he had stretched them out under the table between the two couples.

‘Betrayed by my own best friend, that’s cold man, ice cold’, Lance shook his head in disappointment as Lando stood slightly to high five Esteban across the table.

‘Blind children’, Pierre scoffed, ‘It’s obviously Lewis. They are sickeningly in love with each other. And your beard looks great Lance’.

Esteban burst into laughter, lifting his hand from where it had been creeping further up Pierre’s thigh, and turned to look at the other man, gesturing at Pierre’s own facial hair.

‘You cannot say much Pierre, that fluff on your face isn’t the most attractive thing either, I think you should have to shave too when it turns out Lando and I are right’, Esteban smirked, taking a sip of his drink, eyebrow raised as Pierre turned to glare at the other man.

‘Well, you certainly weren’t complaining about this beard last night when my-’, Pierre argued back before Lando stood up, cutting him off.

‘Okay I am going to go say hi to Jenson and Mark quickly before you two start yelling about kinky shit in French’, Lance laughed, reaching his hand out towards Lance, ‘Come on Lancelot, I’ll save you from their filth so you can stare at Jenson and pretend you didn’t have a crush on him’

Lance couldn’t even argue with his boyfriend as he let himself be dragged to where Jenson and Mark had settled at the bar at some point during discussion with the French disaster duo, leaving the pair to argue in rapid French as Lance tried to block out the bits of conversation he was picking up on.

Although the plan had failed and they were no closer to unmasking Sebastian’s partner, Lance couldn’t complain as he got to pin Lando to their hotel bed later that night and take his time getting revenge for how his boyfriend had been teasing and snarking at him all day.

*

Their plans had gone downhill for there. No thought really given to any plans, just taking advantage of various moments to try catch out the older driver.

Sebastian disappears from the drivers line up? Lando argues that he must have snuck off with Kimi since the Finnish driver had yet to appear.

Queue Lance and Lando sneaking away from the crowd of drivers, ignoring how Max asked them point blank if they were sneaking away to have a quickie when he spotted them edging out of the group

They had gotten distracted pretty quickly after Lando had stretched, shirt rising to show off the cut of his hip bones and a hint of abs, distracting Lance to the point that their targets had found them after being sent to find the wayward McLaren boys.

Sebastian hadn’t been too amused to find Lando with his legs wrapped around Lance’s waist as the other pinned him to the wall of the alley way they had ducked down in their own search for the German driver. He had fixed them with a hard stare, raising on eyebrow in disbelief as Lance slid his hand back out of Lando’s pants despite the youngers whine of disappointment before he too noticed Sebastian.

Kimi had stood behind the German driver, looking wildly amused as Sebastian gave them a lecture of safe sex and exploring their kinks in a safe space and not at work.

It was a few days before either man could look at each other in a sexual way. Too much blushing and the memory of Sebastian’s words burnt into their memories. 

*

The next attempt had been suggested by Esteban; simply corner drunk Kimi or drunk Lewis without Sebastian noticing and ask them if they were seeing anyone. Lewis had a habit of gushing all his truths when drunk, and Kimi was partial to talking after a few rounds of a drinking game.

It hadn’t taken them long to split the teams; Pierre and Lando taking Lewis as the older man had a soft spot for both of them while Lance and Esteban challenged Kimi to a drinking game at the next driver’s night.

Lando should have known better than to expect answers from a night organised by Daniel and Max in their Monaco flat, especially when it turned out Charles had been helping them plan the night.

Still, he was an optimist.

It had been easy for them to separate the two. Lewis and Kimi got along, but really; their only common factor was the very man either of them could have been married to.

Lando had simply sat down in front of Lewis, asking about his latest ego friendly clothing line and discussing different colour schemes that suited different skin tones. Lance had had no idea before dating Lando that the younger man had an eye for colour, finding a satisfaction from making the perfect designs for his helmets or even matching his clothes.

Kimi had also been easy to convince into joining a round of Kings Cup. The older man just grinning and pulling out a bottle of vodka and setting it on the table with Lance’s tequila as Esteban set up the game, Max and Daniel joining them along with Charles, George, and Alex. Although they quickly bowed out once it had moved from drinking games to Lance challenging Kimi and Esteban to a shots competition to keep the older driver drinking and lose.

The plan had been going well, Lewis had just begun to open up about his relationship much to Lando’s annoyance. He had been banking on Lewis throwing him a spiel about how his time was needed working on environmental developments to help stop global warming. Instead, Lewis was going between talking about this special someone in his life that he couldn’t live without to giving Lando unwanted relationship advice while Pierre just watched the horror show that was Lewis talking about sex while cuddling a disgruntled Lando.

Just as Lewis was turning towards talking about that special person in his life, Kimi appeared before them, eyes glassy and a cheeky grin on his face.

‘I think I broke your boyfriends’, the Finnish driver shrugged, pointing back at the couch they had been loitering around while playing their game.

Now, instead of rowdy drunk drivers, Lando was face with the sight of his boyfriend all over his best friend. Lance and Esteban were lying on the couch, giggling, arms wrapped tightly around each other as they continued to giggle and ignore the looks, they were getting from the rest of the party.

‘How...how much did they drink?’, Lando asked alarmed, Lance was never this lose and carefree with the other drivers around. His boyfriend’s anxiety always ensuring he stayed chill and relaxed, not giggly, and cuddly.

‘They wanted to play a game where they had to answer questions about me and drink if they lost,’ Kimi shrugged, dropping into the chair free beside Lewis and passing the other driver his vodka bottle, freeing Lando from his choke hold on him.

‘They didn’t get a single question, right did they?’, Pierre sighed, giving Esteban the side eye as the two had separated, Esteban now making grabby hands from across the room at Pierre while Charles took pictures of it, smiling.

Lance was still lying on the sofa, now staring happily at the ceiling of Daniel and Max’s apartment.

‘No’, Kimi answered simply, patting Pierre’s clumsily.

‘We should probably go get them’, Lando sighed, watching how Lance was giggling to himself and Esteban was now pouting at Pierre.

‘I should go get my special boy; I miss him. Kimi, where’s my boy’, Lewis asked, slurring his words slightly as he handed Kimi his vodka back.

‘Roscoe is with Angela tonight Lewis, you told me that when you arrived’, Kim shrugged, sipping from his bottle as Lewis nodded, accepting the answer.

‘This whole time you were talking about Roscoe?’, Lando all but hissed, feeling his frustration rise as Lance stumbled his way over, wrapping him in a back hug and placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

‘I want McDonalds’, Lance muttered in Lando’s cheek as the younger winced from the wet kiss.

‘Of course, he is my special man, see?’, Lewis beamed, showing them his lock screen of Roscoe in a t-shirt printed to look like a suit jacket, bow tie and all.

Lando did not even respond. He waddled away, Lance still hugging him from behind and set off to find his boyfriend some McDonalds at 2am like the good boyfriend he was, and not murder Lewis for being obsessed with his dog.

It wasn’t until the next day when he was sitting outside the bathroom door, offering a very sick Lance support without having to hear or see the results of his drinking game with Kimi, that he realised something had been missing last night.

Sebastian had not even been at the party.

*

‘I give up, this is too exhausting’, Lando complained, flopping back onto the couch as he watched Lance struggling to fit the Christmas tree onto corner of the living room.

The season had wrapped up leaving them to decorate Lando’s house for the Christmas season. Although as far as the internet was concerned, Lance had become Lando’s roommate. Both of them had spouted nuisance in interviews about it being easier for Lance to simply room with Lando rather than wade through all the red tape of visa and residency requirements that came with getting his own place near the factory. They only had the awards ceremony left in a few days before they

‘You say that as if you actually helped carry this thing in from the car and inside’, Lance stated dryly, having gotten the tree into the stand they had set up earlier, wiping some sweat off his brow as he gazed at Lando.

‘No, not that, plus your arms look hot in that t-shirt when you’re carrying things’, Lando waved a hand as if that explained everything before continuing, ‘I give up trying to figure out who Seb is married too, its exhausting and frankly, we are not as good at this spying lark as I thought we would be’

Lance couldn’t stop the laugh that burst from him at the disappointment in the youngers last statement. Lando was grinning at him, a soft look on his face that he always got whenever he could make Lance laugh so freely and happily.

Lance shook his head at the younger, still laughing as he walked over to the couch, cupping Lando’s face and pulling him up slightly for a quick kiss.

‘No, we really aren’t, but we are good at plenty of other things’, he smirked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively as Lando laughed, gripping the front of Lance’s shirt. 

‘Hm, we are very good at that all right’, Lando smirked, sitting up so he could kiss Lance again.

‘Can’t wait to see you all dressed up in your suit’, Lando mumbled between kisses as Lance shoved him back down onto the couch, Christmas decorating forgotten.

‘Hm, can’t wait to get you out of yours’, Lance smirked, boxing Lando in with his elbows resting by Lando’s head and Lando’s hand cupping his neck as they lost themselves in kisses.

No decorating got done that night.

*

The end of year FIA Prize Giving, Lando had learned in his first year, was a torturous event.

It was dull and stuffy. Just him and the other drivers sweating in their suits, waiting for their names to be called and clapping politely when all every driver wanted was to be at home with their families. It was no wonder that everyone else got as drunk as they did each year. Lando had found it near impossible to manage without alcohol the last two years, but this year he had something to distract him.

The FIA had found a new way to torture Lando; Lance in a fitted black three button suit and black dickie bow.

Lance had gotten ready separately to Lando, the two of them not allowed arrive together as dictated by Charlotte who didn’t believe they wouldn’t out themselves to the media because of how they would look at each other, and she was right.

Lando had hardly been able to take his eyes off of how broad Lance’s shoulders looked, how the suit showed off his waist and toned physic perfectly. Lance’s hair was loosely slicked back, leaving Lando’s fingers itching to tug at it under the locks fell messily like they usually did when Lando was able to bury his fingers in it.

Lance had been giving him heated looks all night, his hand high on Lando’s thigh, squeezing intermittently and running his thumb along the inside seam teasingly. His brown eyes dark with a heat that made Lando shiver and pray to whatever God was listening that the night would go quick so they could disappear back to the house and take their time stripping the suits off each other.

At one point, when he was squirming, leg jumping nervously under Lance’s hand, the other had lent into him, whispering softly in his ear, reassuring him that the second this was over they were out the door. There was no sticking around for socialising tonight. Not when they were both this keyed up, and from the looks Max and Daniel kept throwing them, Lando knew the tension between them was palpable.

Lando had managed through watching his friends get awards, watched as McLaren secured P3 in the constructor’s championship for a second year in a row, and more importantly he had watched proudly as Lance had beamed out at everyone proudly, looking stunning in his suit as he was given an award for his start in which he gained ten places by the end of the first lap.

In between he had scrolled through twitter, using his snooping account to flick through the Lance tweets, saving images of Lance all dolled up in his suit for use as his background once he got a chance to go through them properly. He couldn’t fully give them the attention they deserved when George was teasing him as he caught Lando creeping on twitter when he had come over to say hi while Lance was off with Esteban at the bar.

By the time the break came, drivers getting up to fighting for much needed drinks and food or just to stretch theirs legs, Lando knew he wasn’t going to survive the next few hours sitting next to his boyfriend looking like a GQ model.

Instead of grabbing a drink or some tiny food that wouldn’t even fuel them enough to stop their stomach rumbling halfway through the next round of speeches, Lando grabbed Lance by the hand and dragged him out of the crowded hall and down towards where he knew there were soe empty rooms. Lando, being the sober and anxiety ridden young man he was, had found them while exploring last year in attempts to avoid getting bear hugged by drunk Kimi.

Lance simply smirked at him, eyes dark and hands on Lando’s waist once they stumbled down a hallway where the lights were dim. They stopped a few times, Lance pressing him into the wall to steal his breath with teasing kisses before picking him up, Lando’s legs tight around his waist as they stumbled towards a room Lando knew would be empty.

Or so he thought.

Lando hadn’t expected his boyfriend, his lovely, caring strong boyfriend, to drop him on his ass the minute they had managed to stumble into the abandoned room, Lando’s hand flailing at the light switch as their lips parted. If he was going to get in trouble from the team for dragging Lance off for a quickie, he was at least going to enjoy every moment of Lance in that suit.

His plans fell apart faster than his drop from Lance’s arms to the carpeted floor with a pained hiss as he stared at the other in shock.

Lance had a look of horror on his face, frozen in place as his eyes flickered between something behind Lando and his boyfriend who was wincing on the floor in pain from the dropping.

Before Lando could question just what the fuck Lance was playing at by letting him fall and killing the build up to what was going to be some mind-blowing sex, a familiar voice came from behind him. His blood freezing and face flushing scarlet.

‘We have to stop meeting like this boys’, Sebastian’s voice was a little hoarse, but the amusement was as clear as the time he had caught them following him.

Lando turned around in shock, barely lifting his eyes from the carpet at first in embarrassment.

Once he did, he saw Sebastian sprawled on the couch in the room. The German drivers lips swollen and kiss bruised, the state of his hair and clothes giving away exactly what had been going on before Lance and Lando had rudely interrupted him for the same reason.

However, it wasn’t the sight of a clearly debauched Sebastian that made Lando want to burn his eyes out. No, it was the shirtless man shamelessly straddling his hips with one arm braced on the arm rest of the couch by Sebastian’s head and the other one tugging the zip back up at Sebastian’s crotch, giving the German an affectionate pat before smiling brightly at Lando.

‘Oh my god, it’s like walking in on my parents having sex’, Lando stuttered out horrified, quickly burying his face in his hands.

He could feel Lance crouching behind him. Awkwardly patting Lando’s shoulder, but just as shocked as the other man, no words leaving his lips.

‘Just like your old man, eh kid? I raised you well if you’re sneaking out of these boring things to hook up with your hot boyfriend’, Jenson beamed proudly, waving at Lance who looked like he wanted to die, ‘Hi Lance’.

‘Um, hi Jenson’, Lance managed to squeak out, wrapping an arm around a whimpering, red faced Lando who had still to remerge from where he had buried his face in his hands.

‘I take it back, oh god I take it back, I don’t want to know anything about you Sebastián, oh my god’, Lando complained, turning to burry his face in Lance’s shoulder, trying to unsee the images that had just burned into his brain.

‘Oh come on Lando, it’s nothing you haven’t seen or done before’, Jenson laughed, reaching for his shirt and pulling it on, letting Sebastian do up the buttons as he ran a hand through Sebastian’s messy hair.

‘Don’t get me wrong, I am actually really happy for you two, but I didn’t need to see that’ Lando argued, lifting his head a little to glare at the older drivers.

Lance ran a hand through his curls soothingly, pressing a kiss to Lando’s forehead, still unable to find the words to speak.

‘Thank you Lando’, Sebastian smiled softly, gazing between the two young drivers and his husband who had moved to sit beside him, taking his hand softly in his.

‘I was so sure it was Lewis or Kimi that I never even considered it was you, Jens’, Lando sighed, leaning back into Lance who had sat behind him, looping his arms around Lando’s waist.

‘Kimi, Lewis? Ew, no, why would I look at them when Jenson exists?’, Sebastian wrinkled his nose, his discomfort at the idea of dating either of his best friends making Lando giggle.

‘To be fair love, you were and are a bit of a flirt’, Jenson teased, ignoring the offended look on Sebastian’s face, and pulling the younger man closer to him, ‘If I hadn’t locked you down, I would be worried with the looks between you and Lewis’

Sebastian rolled his eyes, reaching up to pinch at Jenson cheek as the other laughed and just pulled him into a dirty kiss, making Lando groan again.

‘Dads stop it! We get it, you’re in love, you have sex, please stop traumatising us’, Lando begged, feeling Lance’s chest vibrating with a laugh as the Canadian buried his face in Lando’s curls to hide his smile.

The two men on couch burst into laughter before Jenson cooed at Lando, holding his arms out for a hug as the younger glared at his hands.

‘I just saw where those hands were, I’m not touching you until you shower, no offence Seb’, Lando smirked cheekily, ducking as Jenson swatted at his head as he came closer to the couple, instead shoving his hands into both of the young driver’s hair despite their protests.

‘We’ll leave you boys alone, just don’t forget to be back in twenty minutes for the last round of awards’, Sebastian warned, smile on his face as he fixed his shirt and jacket before taking Jenson’s hand in his and pulling the older man out of the room.

‘Bye boys! Don’t forget to use protection!’, was the last thing Jenson said as Sebastian burst into loud laughter that echoed down the hallways as they disappeared.

Lance and Lando sat in silence for a few minutes. Allowing themselves to absorb the information they had just accidently discovered as they relaxed into each other. Lando played with the bracelets under the cuff of Lance’s suit cuffs, tugging and twisting them gently and enjoyed the warmth of Lance’s head resting on his and the soothing rise and fall of his chest against his back.

‘I guess we both lost the bet huh?’, Lance laughed, pressing his nose against Lando’s temple as the younger tilted his head onto Lance’s shoulder to gaze up at him.

‘Yeah, I guess we did. I honestly did not see Jenson coming’, Lando smiled, disbelief in his voice.

He knew he had made a mistake the minute Lance gave him a wide, evil grin.

‘I’m pretty sure we just walked in on Jenson c- ‘, Lance’s words were cut off by Lando turning in his arms and tackling the older to the ground.

Lando had one hand holding himself up by Lance’s head and the other pressed into the older mouth to block the rest of his sentence. Lance retaliated by licking the palm of Lando’s hand before biting it softly, making the other pull back his hand, frowning at Lance.

‘I think we should both do our bets since we technically both lost,’ Lando suggested, eyeing Lance’s facial hair.

‘You just really hate this beard, don’t you babe?’, Lance teased, hands back on Lando’s waist, content with the position they were in.

Lando nodded shyly, biting his lip.

‘Okay, I’ll shave, but have to do yours, no take backs Lando’, Lance agreed, slipping a hand under Lando’s dress shirt where it had become untucked from his slacks.

‘I will, but I’m warning you now that if I get punched by Max and he breaks my nose, you’re just going to have to live with me being ugly, deal?’, Lando laughed, placing a kiss on the tip of Lance’s nose.

‘Awh baby, you could never be ugly to me’, Lance reassured, lifting a hand to cup Lando’s cheek gently before giving him a cheeky grin, ‘But if it’s that bad I’ll just pull your hood up when we have sex, problem solved’

Lando scoffed, offended and little bit turned on by Lance being a little shit with him and moved to get up. Lance wasn’t having it, rolling them over so he could bracket Lando against the floor, not caring that their team would kill them for the state of their suits when he they made it back to the main room.

He glanced at his watch quickly before raising an eyebrow in challenge as Lando looked up at him, green eyes dark and lips parted slightly.

‘We have 15 minutes before Seb comes back this way hunting for us, want me to prove just how attractive I think you are?’, Lance suggested, voice low as he dropped down to let his lips hover over Lando’s.

The hand on the back of his neck and the lips on his were enough of an answer for Lance.

He couldn’t even complain when Charlotte and Helen were ripping into them for their disheveled state when they eventually meandered back to their table, the ceremony having resumed in their absence.

All he cared about was the stratified look in Lando’s eyes and the way his boyfriend melted into his side bonelessly for the rest of the ceremony.

Not even the knowing look from Jenson or the disappointed one from Sebastian could bring them down from their high.

As far as Lance was concerned, mission accomplished.

**Author's Note:**

> Back by demand its my favourite awkward drivers and their cute but sarcastic relationship!
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments and asks on tumblr.
> 
> I really didn't see anyone taking notice of my obsession with the dynamic between these two, but thank you!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one, drop a comment if you want to scream at me about Seb's husband or Lando's bet!


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